I’ve been over the moon with my garden this summer. It may not seem like much to some, but looking back at how far I’ve come, I’m pretty proud of where I’m at. Only a handful of years ago, I embarked on this gardening experiment just to try it. I started with a couple of plants and got a small, but precious, harvest. Since then, there have been ups and downs. Some years, some things do better; other years, other things do better. I’m slowly learning the rhythms of the weather and how they affect my harvest. And then last year, the squirrels – whom I adore otherwise! – buried so many peanuts in my garden that the plants were unfortunately affected by the constant uprooting.

This year, though, I feel like I’m starting to hit my stride. I had one of my sons build wire cages to enclose my raised beds, which addressed the squirrel problem in a way that didn’t mean I had to completely chase them away as everyone swore I’d have to, and …I don’t know, maybe I’m just getting the hang of it? This summer, I’ve got five tomato plants (one “patio tomato” and four cherry tomato), four soybean plants (note to self: soybean plants make RIDICULOUSLY few soybean pods per plant! need to see if I can find ones with higher yields because this is bananas), more parsley than anyone will ever eat (grown specifically for the swallowtail butterflies), some random herbs, some hot peppers, and that’s about it. I concentrated on what I know grows well for me in raised beds, and I’ve had so much success this summer from that. My tomatoes started early and haven’t stopped since. I get a small bowlful of cherry tomatoes once or twice a week. Not enough to sustain us, but enough to feel the satisfaction of growing food for my family. My serrano peppers have exploded in the past week, and I’m about to put together a couple of jars of pickled serrano peppers to use those up. My cayenne peppers have so many peppers on them, but they’re so slow-growing, I feel like I’m going to be a billion years old before they ever actually ripen.

It’s all good, though. I see the progress and how I am coming along as a gardener, and I’m pretty pleased. I’m looking forward to next summer and considering a larger enclosed garden out in the backyard. My ambitions are exceeding my porch space. I guess we’ll see.

So much for the small pleasures. As for the big birthday, today is my fiftieth birthday. It’s a bittersweet one for me; I lost my mother last September, and it feels strange to have my first birthday without her be such a momentous one. But at the same time, she prepared me for this day in so many ways that it feels like she’s with me even though she’s gone. My mom was a complicated, principled woman who felt her own worth deeply and who instilled that same sense of self and worth in me. She never dreaded age, and she taught me not to dread it. So I’ve been looking forward to 50. I just wish she were here to celebrate it with me.